When I first came out, I didn’t know any gay women.
There was only one bar I was aware of that catered to queer girlies, but a quick visit proved it had been mostly overtaken by straight men.
And when I changed my Hinge settings to women, my matches either never responded or turned out to have boyfriends who were “looking for a third” (they really can’t let us have anything).
I began to seriously consider the possibility of just buying a bunch of cats and letting them eat me after I inevitably died alone.
Five years on, thanks to many trials, tribulations and unwanted dick pics, I’ve learned the best online and offline places to meet available queer women who actually want to date and DON’T have a boyfriend that wants to watch.
The following are my top picks for where to safely cast your net once you’ve decided you’re ready to dip your toe into the wonderful world of queer dating. Enjoy!
Dating apps
HER: Specifically designed for queer women, non-binary people, and trans people, HER offers a space to find both dating and social connections, and – more importantly – I’m yet to encounter a single cis straight man on there. This app is my go-to preference when I’m single and ready to mingle.
OkCupid: Known for its detailed profiles and extensive questionnaire, OKCupid allows you to specify your sexual orientation and gender identity, making it easier to find legitimate queer matches who actually want to message back and arrange to meet.
Tinder and Bumble: Both apps allow you to set your preferences to women only (or women and other genders) and have large user bases, so are definitely worth a go, however you’re likely to still get the odd dude or “looking for a third” in here, so I prefer to use these apps in conjunction with queer apps like HER.
Online communities
The Gay Girl VIP Club: I started this private community exclusively for sapphics after noticing a massive lack of places for wlw to safely connect online without having gross men interject. It only launched a few months ago, but there’s already hundreds of incredible queer women inside – some there to make friends, and some looking for romance. It’s not just somewhere to connect with other wlw; there’s monthly livestream workshops on queer sex and dating + members-only resources including a private sapphic podcast. It’s $25 a month, but you can trial it for a month for just $1 here to see if it’s your vibe.
LGBTQ+ events
Pride: Pride festivals are a LOT of fun, and they’re also great places to meet your people and make connections! This will obviously only work if you put yourself out there and talk to people, though.
The great thing about events like Pride is they always have a strong sense of community and people tend to be really chatty and friendly, so making connections is easy. (There’s also alcohol at some Pride events, which always helps if you require a little liquid courage!)
LGBTQ+ parties: Most cities host queer social events, parties, and mixers specifically for LGBTQ+ people. A quick search for LGBTQ+ events on Eventbrite or Facebook Events will tell you which ones are happening near you. Even if you’re not a party person, these events are well worth going to for the feel-good inclusive queer vibes and sheer amount of queer women you’re likely to encounter.
Lesbian Love Lab: LLL is an application-only 2-day workshop + dating experience held in Toronto, hosted by yours truly (me!), for single sapphics. It includes live in-person workshops, structured connection sessions + a curated dinner + drinks night. You can learn more and apply for a spot here.